The Stages of Reverse Culture Shock

Hello friends...


1 year ago, I was in a complete state of loneliness and desperation for God and truth, but said 'yes' to God's plan and next adventure in my life... which led me to...


1 month ago, I was getting ready to wake up and go hold and feed orphan babies.

1 week ago, I was enjoying my last couple hours of Kenyan sleep.

1 hour ago, I was listening to music trying to process all that's happened since I've been home.

1 minute ago, I reread a debriefing article with the stages of reverse culture shock.


And that sums up my last week. Bwana Asifiwe- both Jessica and I got home safely. God was with us and working in our favor the whole trip.

Stage 1. The Ups & Downs of Preparing to Go Home

• I was so ready to leave Kenya. I made myself be ready to leave Kenya. Too much hurt has come in the past when I've tried to avoid thinking about the end totally then it hits me like a brick wall. So I started to set "benchmarks" of things to look forward to when I got home: moving in with my best friends again, my dear friend's wedding, my Sr. French horn recital, visiting California, and of course graduation in December! Everything was getting me so excited to get home, and so ready to make the switch between cultures... except at the same time, I felt like I was trying to hold on to every moment of Kenya; every smell, every sound, every feel, every word, every accent, everything... but then, time was flying more quickly then I knew what to do. It became a game to hold on and let go. I would make some sort of fishing analogy now, that you have to release the line-thing at just the right moment when casting, but I'm a bit too frazzled. Work out the analogy yourself if you'd like :)

Stage 2. Yay Home!

• Anticipation, Excitement, Happiness, Fascination... yep- textbook characteristics to my first few days home. I was so happy to finally get home. I was fascinated by every difference and every new change- driving on the right side of the road, cold milk, carpet, changing leaves, a new puppy, clean tap water, laundry machines, boxed cereal, sweet corn, and peaches. I still am so happy to be home- but this euphoric stage only lasted for Wednesday, Thursday, and part of Friday. I even told at least one of my friends that I experienced no jet lag and almost no culture shock. If I'd understood the stages more at the time, I'd know what was coming next...
  

Stage 3. :(

• Frustration, Anger, Alienation, Loneliness, Disorientation, Helplessness, Irritated, Critical, Stranger... textbook characteristics of this weekend. I was so thrilled to have my sister and her boyfriend come home to NY for the weekend. I was anticipating a packed weekend of fun and relaxation. Friday evening, I started to feel unsettled. When they got home later at night, they brought with them an element that I was distant from- the American young people culture. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, just something I had yet to come in contact with since I returned home. No avoiding it now. American culture is right in my face again. And with the American culture is the trying to explain the Kenyan culture. I really felt prepared for this- I understand that when I have a Kenyan story to tell, odds are that people don't really want to hear... and if they do want to hear, it's difficult to explain the story in a way that they can understand the Kenyan culture and thereby understand the story. so, I'm still in this phase. I feel angry for no reason. This morning at church- I felt enraged and then a split second later like I needed to burst into tears, all brought on because I remembered that last week was the last time I worshiped in Kenya. It was a celebration of dancing and singing and praising the Risen King. I wasn't prepared to worship our Lord sitting in a pew singing hymns [no offense, hymns]. Forgive me and be patient with me. Be honest with me, bring me back to American reality. Speak truthfully and lovingly. And pray with me as I work my way toward stage 4.
  

Stage 4. Normalizing and Readjusting

• This is a gradual process. I'm still thinking positively right now- and I have hope and knowledge that everything will normalize, while keeping in mind that I am absolutely not the same person I was the last time I was here 2.5 short months ago. I look forward to seeing the specific changes within me, and can't wait to see how this summer of ministry will play out in daily life. And beyond all the hope I have within- I have Jesus Christ. As I choose to dive into a deeper relationship with Him and the God of the universe, I'll see the person He has molded me into this summer. I pray that this new person is a truer and clearer reflection of my Savior.
  

So how can ya'll join me in this reverse culture shock process?

• Pray for Me and For this Process: It's tough. I fully expected this. I prepared myself as best I could before I went to Kenya to deal with this. Now pray with me that God's presence will be stronger still and that I don't get tripped up by all the distractions I face daily. Also pray for creativity in coping with the change- I've already been able to dive back into my music and can see it being used as a healing tool already. Pray that as I process, God provides more/other outlets for healing as well.
  
• Pray for Kenya: Pray for the government. Pray for the people. Pray for Christ's Hope. Pray for the staff and volunteers. Pray for the patients. Pray for the families. Pray for the children taught God's word daily. Pray for the Ministry Care Point children. Pray that miracles are experienced and that God is given ALL the glory. 

• Follow Me on this journey back to 'normalcy': I'm probably only going to be updating my own blog from now out, but feel free to follow me and join me in this new adventure: maryfugate.blogspot.com

Mungu Aku Bariki [that feels so out of place...],
Mary

Time to say Goodbye

Hello friends,

Jessica and I are flying out to go back to the US tonight.

Below are our flight times so you can be praying through our trip... these times are in California time :)


Today, August 16th:



Nairobi to Dubai: leave at 1:35 pm, get there at 6:35 pm.

Then we wait at the airport for 3 hours.

Dubai to NY: leave at 9:35 pm, get there on the 17th at 11:15 am.

So then we hang out on Long Island until the 18th.

I leave at 12:30 pm for home (1 hour flight), and Jessica leaves at 3:30 pm and will get to California at 9:30pm


Thank you all so much for your support, prayers, and encouragement. We'll update when we get back to the US.

Mungu Aku Bariki,
Mary

Rich in Jesus

We are praising the Lord. We are back home in Kenya and it is good to be home. As we are winding down our last days it really starting to get busy. Amongst all the chaos of trying to finish our last to-dos it has been a challenge to really focus on the Lord. The schools are on vacation the whole month of August so we are not currently teaching VBS. BUT the Lord is so good so he has provided other ministry opportunities. One of my favorite things to do here in Kenya is to just speak the Gospel to anyone I meet. It is such a blessing here, because people are so accepting of Jesus. In the past three days I have had three different boda boda drivers (bicycle drivers) and I have shared Jesus with all three. And all three of them were already saved. Praise the Lord. It has been my mission to spread the Gospel to anyone I meet, but most people I meet are already saved. God is so Good! This has been so common for me on my trip. The last boda driver I had really got into telling my about his salvation. "Jesus is my salvation. I am washed in his blood. I could sin 400 times today and still be forgiven. He took my sins on the cross and now I don't have the burden." Him and I continued back in forth taking about the Lord for about fifteen minutes. There love and passion is huge. This is the type of conversations I have DAILY with people here. Another memorable incidence was a boda driver who had five stitches on his eye because he was just jumped by a few men. Him and I talked about the Lord and he blessed me with his heart "I have nothing without Jesus. He is so good and loving. Life is painful and miserable without Jesus, but once we have him we are free." I can't get over how free the people are here. They are so happy and complete.

"I know your afflictions and your poverty- yet you are rich!" Revelation 2:9


This afternoon Mary and I made it to the market and I went to see Wills. He was standing with his two cousin. A few days earlier I saw him and he said that the trouble he has in evangelising is having the courage to ask people if they want to accept the Lord. He told me that he had been sharing the gospel with his cousins and I saw a pocket testament in his cousin's pocket. So I whispered to him if he had asked them the big question yet and he said he would do it tonight. I encourage him to do it then and there. Both his cousins said they wanted to be saved. Mary was at the other end of the market so I grabbed her and went back to the guys. When I got back I explained why we need salvation, what it will means, and that they need to believe it in their heart (Not just to please the Mzungu). It was clear they wanted to ask the Lord in their heart. So we all held hands and prayed and now we have TWO more brothers in Heaven! Bwana Asifiwe! (Praise the Lord)

Jessica

♫ Step-By-Step ♫

♫ Oh God, You are my God
And I will ever praise You

I will seek You in the morning,
I will learn to walk in Your ways,
And Step-By-Step You lead me
And I will follow you ALL of my days. ♫

This was the song echoing in my mind for most of the bus ride home from this past week spent in Mwanza, Tanzania. Jessica, Marieke, Anne, and I all had to "relocate" out of Kisumu because of the potential violence associated with the recent Constitutional Referendum vote and count. Praise God that it was an overall peaceful vote and count.

Mwanza was beautiful and full of adventures, but we certainly missed our Kisumu home. Jessica and I tried to have the best time possible, but the best way I can describe it is that it felt like we were stuck in an airport on a very long layover. Our time here is quickly coming to an end, so since we left Kenya, we were suddenly in the mindset to go home, but we were still so very homesick for Kisumu. Thus, we were homesick for two places- while trying to adjust to a new culture.

BUT- Christ's Hope in Tanzania is a beautiful ministry, and I was grateful to get to check it out. The director, Assed, graciously allowed us "Referendum Refugees" to stay in the new office house that is in the process of being finished. Jos and Sylvia were also there doing the Choose to Wait training, so even though ministry during the week was not possible, we got to interact with the national volunteers who were all so welcoming and friendly to us. It was funny at times because unlike Kenyans who almost all speak English, most Tanzanians speak kswahili and very few speak English... which led to interesting communication situations, especially when trying to jump on a matatu to town, or buy simple necessities like water. At the end of the week, we got to do a hospital visit, and get to know some of the street boys that are housed by Christ Hope- and we for sure had a lot of fun singing, playing futbol, and eating delicious rice and beans :)


Now that we're back in Kisumu, we have just little less than a week left of our stay. So what does the ministry look like for the rest of this week?

-Thursday: A day spent with Rock Ministries... including taking them all swimming in the afternoon.
-Friday: The Raman Center children's prison
-Saturday: Nyahera kids are meeting up with Manyatta kids AND Mama Eunice's 65 orphans AND the Rock Ministries kids for a fun day of games, skits, and lunch. By combining all the Ministry Care Points and others, we hope that the children will feel a sense of community- that they are not alone in what they face daily.


Sunday and Monday will be our days to spend saying our goodbyes, finishing up last minute things, and of course packing.

And then Monday evening Jessica and I will jump on a plane to return to the US.




Where did this summer go???



Mungu Aku Bariki,
Mary

Ooops... I forgot to post this

Pretend that I posted this on July 27th :)

♫It's gonna take A LOT to drag me away from you... ♫

Last week... well, Wednesday - Friday was a week of goodbyes even though we have about 3 weeks left in Africa. This is the last week of classes, and then the schools have the entire month of August off for holiday... and this week, the Christ's Hope founders, Jos and his wife Sylvia, are here doing a Choose to Wait training in Kisumu... which means our normal ministry is off-kilter.

So the sum of my last week:

Farewell Ramba: This was the first school we had the chance of doing OVC at. I will always remember the passion these kids had to learn the word of the Lord, and the amazing teachers to drilled it into their brains. Memory verses were always learned, and the children always remembered the previous Bible story. Minus the few little terrors who pinched me during the last closing prayer, all the children every week were so lovely, welcoming, and curious about who we were and who we served.

Farewell Mt. Carmel: So this week, we decided to take a picture with them... and I'm surprised no one got smushed to death. The kids were so friendly, and were so enthusiastic to be in front of the camera ALL THE TIME. I wanted pictures of them doing their color sheets, so I discreetly took out my camera... well, see how long that lasted. The kids immediately started jumping into every picture. So, I told them that I'd only take pictures if they were coloring. They then followed me around with their color sheets saying, "Take a picture- I'm coloring! Take a picture!" Needless to say, I got a lot of interesting pictures. But in the end, we got some good snaps- and we also found out that they thoroughly enjoy Mzungu hair- every time I put it up, it got taken down. I'll always remember Mt. Carmel for the great questions from the students, and for leading us in song and poetry.

Farewell Rock VBS and Bible Study: These 15 children were one of the highlights of my week- ALWAYS. Even from the first time I went, I connected to these kids and enjoyed them as part of their family unit. These kids are SO creative and can play for hours and hours. They really love each other and that's seen through the way they share, the way they include each other in games, and the way that they ultimately look out for one another. I'll miss their songs, games, smiles, and hugs. Since most of the kids live on-sight, we're praying that we can get just one more day with them to do a day long camp and go swimming and have more fun then we know what to do with.

The Bible Study was with the older students at Rock. Our group, "Team Jesus," has been so eager to learn God's word as we study it, and so eager to learn more about their leaders! After weeks of them begging, Jessica, Anne, and I sang them the Bubblegum song... but our group didn't allow us to get away that easily. They still made Jessica and I sing for just our team... but then every single song we sang wasn't good enough. I think eventually we ended up singing "Amazing Grace- My Chains are Gone!" and they were finally content. I'll miss their love for us, their eagerness for God, their hope for change, and their commitment to a better life for themselves and their future families.

Farewell Pandi Pieri: Celebrity status and phenomenal music! Those are the 2 things I'll always think of when I think of this school! The very last thing they told us was: Greet your mother, greet your father, greet your brother, greet your sister!!! Such sweethearts!!!

Farewell Lwala: This group was by far the most shy and skeptical of the Wazungu at first... but they certainly warmed up to us! It was the first week we got to have play time with them. Precious children with precious teachers who work so hard for the Lord! I just love them!


So even though it was a week of goodbyes- and processing it is tough- the life and ministry here are still continuing with power and might. The care point on Saturday was so special as ALL the children are really opening up to us more and more and more, and my heart for each of them grows bigger and bigger and bigger... and I didn't even think it was possible!

Like I mentioned, this week we're sitting under the teaching of Christ's Hope founders Jos and Sylvia as they teach us how to teach Choose to Wait. There are about 20 people in the training course every day- and about 5 Kenyans staying in the house with us. Mary Beth, and American who was working with the Masai all summer, has also joined us to check out the ministry for a short time. So we have a very full house with our normal ministries being run by Marieke and Anne and Mary Beth and our local volunteers, and the rest of us in training all day. Pray for a lovely week of fellowship and hospitality, and for peace as we're going and going and going from early morning till late at night.

Please also continue to pray for us and the ministries. I know from the past that I have a tenancy to "Check Out" early emotionally and begin to distance myself from people and the ministry. I refuse to do that here. I love it too much and my heart is so deeply rooted here. But- I still know that goodbyes will get more and more difficult and getting on that plane in 3 weeks will be nearly impossible. I don't want to think about leaving, but I do want to prepare myself and ask for prayer in advance for the hurt we'll feel when we leave this place.

This video is something Denise shared with the team on the 2nd afternoon we were here, just before our first official storm in Africa... and also happens to be a cool version of one of my favorite songs ever. Sunday night, Jessica and I were in a pavilion restaurant eating pizza after a wild Boda ride though the beginnings of an epic storm... which immediately brought me into a place of marveling God's presence... so enjoy this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yjbpwlqp5Qw


Mungu Aku Bariki,
Mary

Off to Tanzania!

Hello all,

Check out the press release to see what we're up to this week...

Shhhh, don't tell my momma!

Tuesday at Nyahera. Ok, so I absolutely cannot contain my excitement about writing this blog. The only problem is, it may be difficult to explain the hilariousness of the day- or may not even be humorous outside of the Kenyan culture... but oh heck, here it goes:

First of all, even before the day began, we found out that our Care & Compassion volunteer, Dorine, came down with malaria, so she wasn't able to come with us to translate. But God provided along the way and we made it through the day quite swimmingly.

Our first stop was George's house. George was the patient we brought on last week and took to Masseno hospital and found out he had TB and thrush. Well, Praise God! He's doing so well!!! I hardly recognized him when we pulled up to his house. Last week he could barely walk and it was obvious that speaking was painful for him. This week, he's walking with strength and was speaking to us with a renewed voice and new energy. I just can't thank God enough for leading us to George last week, for a good hospital that can diagnose so accurately George's infections, and for the proper medications to strengthen and heal his body... and I'm so thankful for all of you readers who kept George and his wife Maureen in your prayers last week. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.

The next stop was Joseph. This was my first week seeing Joseph- he was a patient of ours who despite only being 30 something, had a severe stroke. He spend about 1 1/2 months in the office where Robert is now so that he could get the proper physical therapy needed to recover from the stoke. Now, he can walk very far, and has almost full mobility, except with his left arm and hand... but it's for sure getting stronger slowly! His wife left him the moment she found out that he was very down with AIDs and moved to Nairobi with his children. However, he has decided to find a new wife... beginning with looking in the church... and have a real wedding! The majority of Kenyans here are not married. The benefits of not being married is that it costs much less and the bride's family doesn't have to worry about the dowry. The downside is that it has resulted in a culture in which the family unit is a complete mess. I remember Julie telling us a few weeks back that more and more people are having a real wedding, to make the commitment in front of friends and family and God. Even though Julie wasn't married when she had all her children, she and her husband had a church wedding with the hopes that her children will go through the formality and choose a wedding as well.

The hilarious moment of this visit was that besides the fact that Joseph and his momma were beyond thrilled to see us, the momma let Desmond know that some bananas were ready for us but we'd have to cut them down. Thinking nothing of it, we walked to the back of the house and there was a HUGE bunch of bananas in one tree. I never expected the momma to give us that many bananas, and then, instead of just cutting down the bunch- the whole tree needed to be cut down! So down went the banana tree with the machete and we'll probably be eating banana bread until we die.

The next stop was Kennedy and just as we were pulling up near his home, the car completely stopped- no power, no gas, nothing. So we lifted up the hood and figured it must be the battery because the Land Cruiser had been having battery issues. Anywho, we asked one of the mommas as the house we parked at if she had a "spanner"... which is a wrench... I think? She said she didn't so we decided to do the visit with Kennedy and then figure out the car. It turned out that he had to show us a potential new patient, so he came back to the car with us, but it still wasn't working. Kennedy didn't have a spanner either- so he sent someone off looking for one. We were at the broken down Land Cruiser for over 2 hours... in the hot African day. But we had bananas to eat :) I ended up reading my Bible for most of it and taking a nap, which was just so lovely. But in that 2+ hours there were many hilarious moments. Firstly, at one point before the mechanic crew got there, we thought about push starting the Land Cruiser. Honestly, I have no idea what that means... but in order to push start it, we had to push the Land Cruiser out of it's spot so it would have more room to start. So- Kennedy, the momma, some other guy, and I tried to push the Land Cruiser slightly uphill. It didn't go so well. We pushed it about 5 feet though! and I think all of us faceplanted at some point while we tried to push out. Secondly, when the mechanic crew got there, the head mechanic was slightly intoxicated. He tried to "clean off" the battery by pouring water on the fuses. The last time I heard- "Water and Electricity DON'T Mix!" Thirdly, we once again tried to push the Land Cruiser back to push start it... however this time it was a success! But after we sweated and pushed the Land Cruiser to the appropriate push starting location, we realized that if the battery isn't working whatsoever, that push starting the car will be useless. Fourthly, the mechanics had no idea how to fix the car so then we had to wait for the other mechanic to get back from his outing in Kisumu. Fifthly, before the mechanics got there, a random man came with several "spanners" and pliers. But the spanners were not the right size, and the pliers were frozen stuck... so the momma dumped oil on them and they were still stuck and no use to us. And Lastly, it turns out that the problem was the battery. A matatu driver came randomly and fixed the Land Cruiser in 2 minutes time... and he did the same thing to the battery that Desmond had done before we even went into Kennedy's home.

So back on the road, our next stop was "Potential New Patient" who was supposed to be very down. As we pulled up, a nearby school was releasing the children for lunch break, so it was an adventure getting through the mob of children screaming "Mzungu" and then trying to park the Land Cruiser away from the mob. Then, just as I was rolling up the window, a very old, very drunk Kenyan man came up to the car and greeted us and said "Mzungu, I'm so hungry"... so Desmond told me to give him a banana then he'd go away. Ok, well, he didn't go away. Instead, he said, "Oh I love you! OOOO AAAAAA OOOOO AAAAAA I love Mary" Creepy- he heard someone say my name. So we quickly walked into the patient's home. The patient looked very healthy and very well. Her only qualm was that sometimes her chest hurt. Desmond suggested she get an X-ray at the clinic... so she chimed in by saying that she didn't have the money. Well, we know that the X-rays at the clinic are completely free. So at that point we realized that she wouldn't be a good candidate to be a Christ's Hope patient... but also by this point, we'd attracted quite the crowd in the house... including creepy drunk Kenyan man. He sang us a song about the Bible, and then it was clearly time for us to leave. And yet, the drunk man followed us all the way back to the car. It was a very interesting visit...

After that crazy adventure, we were quite ready for a craziness break. So after we took our Coke and Mandazi lunch break, we went to see Julianna. I had been waiting for this moment all day! She is doing fine! She was walking around and playing with the children at her house. Steven was very helpful and was clearly looking after the other 6 or so children at the house. Pray for him, he has so much responsibility at home I'm just hoping and praying that he can learn at school and not have to stay home all the time to look after the younger children. We then walked down the lane to see Little George. His whole family have been patients of ours in the past, but now they are all stronger, except little George. George is 2 or 3 years old, but he barely looks 1. He's so tiny and so unhealthy looking. But, he's in a good home, with lots of love and care. It was nice to meet their family, even though they have a troubled past and a lot of burdens to share. I loved seeing these children :)

From the children's homes, we picked up Lydia to help us translate for the last 3 patients who speak nearly no English at all. We went to Marilyn's house... and that's when I almost fell out of the Land Cruiser... Shhhh, don't tell my momma! This is the 3rd consecutive week I've been to her home, and so every week I've wanted to take pictures of the "road" because it really is more like a walking path... and more like a leisurely hike that we take the Land Cruiser on. So this week, I took a video... which will be posted soon, I promise! Well, at one point, the most dismal point on the road, Desmond hit a bump and I don't really remember it, but stuff was flying off the dash, I was flying out of my seat and I didn't know which was up and which was down and that's when I almost fell out the window. We were all fine... but it's quite funny because since the video was running, everyone was trying to be quiet to not mess up the video... but really I was just cracking up that we got it on tape and then our reactions to the incident.

When we arrived at Marilyn's house I was so excited to see all the kids- Esther, Emmanuel, and Geoffrey. Geoffrey's legs still weren't looking great, but today we had more bandages for them. Pray that they continue to heal. Emmanuel was very excited to see us as always. Marilyn was complaining of a headache... which if it's the back of the head/neck headache can be meningitis, which can be very dangerous and deadly. We warned her of this and told her that if her headache gets at all worse, she needs to go to the clinic immediately. She lamented that it's tough for her to get to the clinic, and I don't blame her... but pray that her headache does not worsen, that it goes away, and if need be, she'll take the steps necessary to get to the clinic and get proper treatment. What thrilled me from this visit the most was Esther. When we got there, she didn't scream or shrink away from us, but instead shook my hand confidently and smiled. Yes, this little girl who was terrified a few weeks back met us with a smile. Not only that, but she reminded Emmanuel to give me the gift they gathered just for me! The gift was a type of fruit, not to sure what it is, but it looks like a long grape but tastes like badly processed lunch meat. I was still grateful and so appreciative of this gift from the children. At the end of the visit, Geoffrey set her on top of a large rock and like a good big brother, he left her there. And I was so thrilled when she reached out for only me to help her off. I think it's safe to say that Esther and I are good friends now :)

Our last 2 patients were Arthur and Angeline (who I thought was named Evelyn in last weeks blog). Arthur made it to Chemotherapy last week, and was looking better than last weeks visit. He's still very weak but his hope is in the Lord for sure. When I read scripture to him, Lydia translated, and then he repeated out loud each word. It was a really special time. Angeline is pregnant and we have no idea when she is due. She is going to the clinic regularly, but in Kenyan culture, people don't acknowledge pregnancy until the baby is born. So she was very private and wouldn't even disclose when the baby should be due with us. So not only pray that Angeline opens up to us so that we can best help her, but pray for the culture to shift so that all babies get the proper care and mothers get the proper education before the baby is born.


After a long day, but a hilarious day, we made our way back to Kisumu. Last week, we had Roger (a previous volunteer from the Netherlands) and his 4 friends over for dinner while they're on holiday. So this week, they offered to cook for us, which of course none of us would ever pass up! Unfortunately, we ran out of gas for the stove... and Kisumu pretty much ran out of cooking gas entirely. Instead of figuring out the Jiko cooker (the grill type thing that most Kenyans use) like we did last night to make pancakes, the guys decided to bring us take out Chinese food. It was very nice- and it still boggles my mind to think that I'm in Kenya, in a house full of Dutch people, eating some of the best take out Chinese food I've ever had. Internationalness rocks.


And throughout the whole day- I just couldn't help but see how the prayers that you blog readers are praying are being answered weekly. Thank you for your faithfulness in reading the blog and praying. Thank you for remembering Jessica and I and the work we're doing for the Lord. And thank you for responding to the whisper of God to pray for Kisumu and Christ's Hope ministry.


Lala Salama,
Mary